Bonding & Attachment: Part 2?

This blog is very G-rated.  My intention from its inception in Feb. 2008 is and continues to be, a journal for Emme.  Seriously, there are a lot of kittens, lollipops & everything nice on here.  Today I want to talk about something not so perfect.  Will I leave it as part of my journal for Emme to read one day?  Maybe…maybe I will delete it after I have worked past my current emotions.  Maybe I will leave it.  Maybe the fact that I am willing to put so much thought into this subject, shows how much I truly, deeply love this little girl.  So here it goes:

Life with Emme is tough right now!  Emme is so strong-willed, that at times, I feel she can over power me.  Those that know me, know how strong of a personality I have, so that is saying a lot!  Although we had a quite nice lunch with a friend today, most of our days are filled with tantrums.  Tantrums that include screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing and within the past couple of days, my old friend..biting!  There is virtually no listening to my words, and consequences like time-outs do not seem to have an effect, and are usually concluded with her mocking me.

My thoughts have recently traveled down the path to bonding and attachment.  When Emme came home there was no period of time where we bonded, we bonded..instantly.  I wonder, given the fact that she was only 5 months old, if now that she is two, we are going to go through this??  Or, does it have nothing to do with adoption , & everything to do with the natural relationship between a Mother and a daughter at this age.  Deep down I believe it is the latter, but I wonder.

I do see the inner conflict inside of her.  She talks like a three-year-old and looks like a three-year-old, but her emotions are VERY two.  The classic, “I do it!” overtakes with a strong will that forbids any opportunity for me to teach her…anything…putting clothes on, drinking from a straw, walking through parking lots, etc., etc., etc…

So, we keep going every day, with me honestly trying to be the best Mommy I can be.  I do my best to be consistent.  I do my best to teach & mold her.  I do wake up every morning praying to the universe for patience and strength.

Everyone told me that parenting is the toughest thing you will ever do.  You all could have told me in every way possible, but there would have been no way for me to truly get it until now.  Can I go back to conducting seminars on the 1031 tax law?  That was a piece of cake!

2 comments May 10, 2011

Belly Mom & Heart Mom

The day after we met in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Personally, I do not think it is ever to early to start talking with Emme about her adoption story. My intent is from her earliest memory, it is just part of who she is. My husband and I have decided that at this point, the story sounds something like this:

“You are so lucky because you have two Mommies. You have your heart Mommy, that is me, and you have your belly Mommy, Aden in Ethiopia.”

Because she is only two now, we really do not need to go into any further detail. However, this does not stop me from looking into the future, and imagining how I plan on expanding the story so that is evolves into a foundation of where she comes from. Through Emme, I have come to realize how lucky I am to take that for granted.

Yesterday, in celebration of National Birth Mothers Day, we planted wild flowers in our back yard. Mike and I have decided that this is how we plan on celebrating Aden every year. As I watched Emme plant the flowers, I was surprised how emotional it was for me. There was so many layers of emotion. I felt pride for myself as a Mother, as I begin to nurture this part of Emme. I felt curious, but sad about Aden. Who is she?…..WHO IS SHE? I wonder every day, especially now that Emme is so big. Emme’s personality shines brighter every day. Now that she is two, I see this VERY strong little girl. It makes me desire to meet Aden more & more. Even though Aden is a stranger, I love her because I love Emme. If she only knew the gift that she gave me. I hope honestly in my heart that somehow the universe tells her that.

So when I look at the title of my post, in my heart, Belly Mom & Heart Mom equally combine to be, well…… a part of Emme.

Enjoy the video of Emme planting Aden’s flowers:

Add a comment May 8, 2011