Bonding & Attachment: Part 2?
May 10, 2011
emme1
This blog is very G-rated. My intention from its inception in Feb. 2008 is and continues to be, a journal for Emme. Seriously, there are a lot of kittens, lollipops & everything nice on here. Today I want to talk about something not so perfect. Will I leave it as part of my journal for Emme to read one day? Maybe…maybe I will delete it after I have worked past my current emotions. Maybe I will leave it. Maybe the fact that I am willing to put so much thought into this subject, shows how much I truly, deeply love this little girl. So here it goes:
Life with Emme is tough right now! Emme is so strong-willed, that at times, I feel she can over power me. Those that know me, know how strong of a personality I have, so that is saying a lot! Although we had a quite nice lunch with a friend today, most of our days are filled with tantrums. Tantrums that include screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing and within the past couple of days, my old friend..biting! There is virtually no listening to my words, and consequences like time-outs do not seem to have an effect, and are usually concluded with her mocking me.
My thoughts have recently traveled down the path to bonding and attachment. When Emme came home there was no period of time where we bonded, we bonded..instantly. I wonder, given the fact that she was only 5 months old, if now that she is two, we are going to go through this?? Or, does it have nothing to do with adoption , & everything to do with the natural relationship between a Mother and a daughter at this age. Deep down I believe it is the latter, but I wonder.
I do see the inner conflict inside of her. She talks like a three-year-old and looks like a three-year-old, but her emotions are VERY two. The classic, “I do it!” overtakes with a strong will that forbids any opportunity for me to teach her…anything…putting clothes on, drinking from a straw, walking through parking lots, etc., etc., etc…
So, we keep going every day, with me honestly trying to be the best Mommy I can be. I do my best to be consistent. I do my best to teach & mold her. I do wake up every morning praying to the universe for patience and strength.
Everyone told me that parenting is the toughest thing you will ever do. You all could have told me in every way possible, but there would have been no way for me to truly get it until now. Can I go back to conducting seminars on the 1031 tax law? That was a piece of cake!
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1.
Debbie |
May 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm
As adoptive parents I think we have the natural tendency to question whether or not our child’s behavior is adoption related or just normal kid stuff. What I will tell you is that what you’re describing is pretty normal 2 year old behavior and I understand what you’re going through.
2.
ADG |
October 22, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Next time I am in Portland we should sit down and talk! Sometimes I find myself wondering: is this an adoption thing or is this a kid thing? Most of the time I think, this is an all kid thing…But then, sometimes I see something in Danger’s eyes that makes me reconsider all of my preconceived notions!
Just so you know, Danger rarely threw a tantrum until he was 3. With him it was the terrifying threes, not the terrible twos. AND, we’re at the frightning fives now.
All of this is to say that I had similar doubts at a similar age. You’re so not alone!
~Anami